Sundaze: crazymaking

a communication ick

There is the popular belief: If it doesn’t serve you, we rid of it. I disagree. I keep people with a different world view around. If we don’t open ourselves to various perspectives, we risk getting stuck in an echo chamber.

There is a line. I don’t know where it is yet. Maybe when the different world view is an unsubstantiated claim or judgement that directly impacts the wellbeing of another, probably even before reaching that point.

There are devil’s advocates and then there are people who simply do not benefit us. They can be good people but not good for you. People who will share their opinions but it will not contribute to anything constructive. To go one step further, there are some people who willingly or unwillingly cause disruption. Julia Cameron describes these individuals as “crazymakers”. While I’m not a big fan of the term, the description may ring true. In Julia’s words:

“Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive. And, for a creative person in their vicinity, they are enormously destructive. You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions. Crazymakers are the kind of people who can take over your whole life. To fixer-uppers, they are irresistible: so much to change, so many distractions…. If you are involved with a crazymaker, you probably know it already.

Crazymakers expect special treatment: They suffer a wide panoply of mysterious ailments that require care and attention whenever you have a deadline looming – or anything else that draws your attention from the crazymaker’s demands. The crazymaker cooks her own special meal in a house full of hungry children – and does nothing to feed the kids.

Crazymakers discount your reality: No matter how important your deadline or how critical your work trajectory at the moment, crazymakers will violate your needs. Crazymakers are the people who call you at midnight or 6:00am saying, “I know you asked me not to call you at this time, but…”

Crazymakers triangulate those they deal with: Because crazymakers thrive on energy (your energy), they set people against one another in order to maintain their own power position dead center. 

Crazymakers are expert blamers: Nothing that goes wrong is ever their fault, and to hear them tell it, the fault is usually yours. 

Crazymakers hate schedules – except their own: If you claim a certain block of time as your own, your crazymaker will find a way to fight you for that time, to mysteriously need things (meaning you) just when you need to be alone and focused on the task in hand.” ~ The Artist’s Way

A common question that comes up after this is “Am I a crazymaker?”. While there is generally joint contribution, the best thing we can do to avoid being one is build self awareness. The easiest way to do this is to listen more than you speak.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”- Epictetus

And to not put someone’s creativity down. To not belittle a side hustle, a hobby, or why everyone has a Substack these days. To ask yourself “What is the goal of what I’m about to say?” If it is not constructive to the other person, it is most likely a judgement.

And if you suspect you are dealing with one such storm center, ask yourself:

Where does your time go?

Take inventory. What are some areas you can pull back from and invest back into your growth?

I’m having an eat, pray, love (yes, eyeroll) year. So spending a lot of time reflecting on quality of communication. I’d love to hear your experiences with communication.

“The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves. Through self-nurturance we nurture our inner connection to the great creator. Through this connection our creativity will unfold. Paths will appear for us. We need to trust the great creator and move out in faith. Repeat: the great creator has gifted us with creativity. Our gift back is our use of it. Do not let friends squander your time. Be gentle but firm, and hang tough. The best thing you can do for your friends is to be an example through your own recovery. Do not let their fears and second thoughts derail you.” ~ The Artist’s Way