Sundaze: how we listen
criticism, language, understanding
People approach feedback differently. Two things are for sure: (i) Not everyone will deserve a seat at the table, (ii) neither will we always know what to do with every word we are given. But we can learn how we listen and reclaim the narrative that we tell ourselves.
We start off by trying to understand what we believe about ourselves. This is often attached to what we hear from parental figures, how our role is perceived in society and interactions in our environment. The softest way to challenge our existing narrative is inquiry. Remember these are beliefs you have long held, some limiting beliefs are our brain’s way of protecting us from our fears. So, the first step is to understand our story through gentle nudges. There will be a lot of questions today.
Reflect: identify a limiting belief. Ever feel like an imposter? Feel insecure about something? That there is no way you can do it? It’s just not for you? Where does it stem from?
When was the last time you received criticism that made you feel off? It could come from the most well-meaning person or could be the most obvious joke but it still made you uncomfortable.
Dig deeper.
What concept or phrase bothers you?
Alternatively, what concept or phrase seem useful?
Look at the criticism again, does it remind you of any criticism from your past - whether that was 5 years ago or 15 years ago. Does it bring up a time when you were shamed as a child?
Acknowledge to yourself that the current criticism is triggering grief over a long-standing wound.
Acknowledge the person delivering the message probably did not know better or might have even been coming from a good place. It doesn’t make the message valid.
Acknowledge the message may very well be valid but the delivery was not it. Or the timing wasn’t right. Or you weren’t ready for it.
Acknowledge what part, if any, rings true.
Today’s prompt is the bravest prompt you responded to yet:
Write a letter to your childhood [or younger] self.
Defend your work and acknowledge what was helpful, if anything, in the criticism proffered. Choose your language carefully as to not shame your past self, but think about the value they brought you. I recommend addressing with a term of endearment, the same way you’d speak to a child irl.
Bonus: If you’re feeling down after receiving criticism, the best thing to do is get back on the horse. Make an immediate commitment to do something creative.
Do it, as our friend Cameron said, creativity is the only cure for criticism.
Solo date: Start spring cleaning early. Allow yourself to throw out clothes (or if in good condition - donate) you no longer feel good in. You don’t have to keep everything.
Cafe of the week: 787 Coffee, E 10th st & 2nd ave. This location has an extended coworking space.
Warmly,
Aaisha